(or what if Paul Simon was waiting to see a British dentist)

When life’s scary
Meals are small
When tears are your in eyes
When you bite at all
Put plates aside
Oh, when steak gets tough
And food just can’t be found
Need a bridge over troubled molars
To be with my crown

When they’re pulled and out
When they’re in the sink
When it’s been packed so hard
It will comfort you
But it does smart
Oh, when darkness comes
And pain is all around
Need a bridge over troubled molars
To be with my crown

Slide in silver vein
Numbed away
Those teeth arrived in time
Your dream smile is on its way
I will soon dine
Oh, with all of my friends
The gaps are left behind
Like a bridge over troubled molars
I’ve been realigned
Like a bridge over troubled molars
I am redefined

(alternative lyrics by Louise Pull)